Lean on me
by The Confused One
Summary: When Alex's husband dies, Bobby is there for her. This is set before the series starts.
1. Horrible News

Lean on me: Chapter 1

By: The Confused One

Summary: Alex's husband dies, and Bobby is there for her. Set before the series starts.

Rating: K+

Warnings: Character death, though nobody we know and cussing in later chapters.

Reviews: PLEASE! I live for reviews. LOL So, please remember to do so. Thanks.

Archive: If you want it, just let know where you're putting it.

Disclaimer: I'm a poor college student who owns nothing associated with CI. Please don't sue. It's all for fun, and I'm making no money with this. I promise. Thanks.

A/N: This story idea has been rattling around in my head for awhile. What if Bobby and Alex had been partners when her husband died? Would it explain their relationship now? So, for my own sake… I'm writing the story. Also, for this story, Alex kept her maiden name when she got married. So, she's still Eames.

Noticing the time, Bobby Goren looked up at his partner, Alex Eames. Confused by the fact that she was still at her desk, he asked, "Eames, it's almost seven. What are you still doing here? I thought I was the one who lived and breathed our work."

There were definitely times when Alex couldn't stand Bobby. She couldn't understand him. She had written the letter during one of those times. It was moments like these that had caused her to ask Deakins to give her a few days to think it over. She kept going back and forth and it was driving her crazy. She couldn't understand why he couldn't just be black or white. Deakins was expecting her answer in the morning, and while Jack had been encouraging her to walk away from Bobby, Alex was leaning towards withdrawing it. Sure he gave her headaches and made her crazy, but he did it so sweetly and unknowingly that she couldn't, generally, stay mad at him. Alex smiled. With a shrug, she explained, "You don't pay any attention sometimes, do you? Jack called a little over an hour ago. He and his partner have been dragged into working a big bust tonight. So, I thought I'd help you out here for awhile."

Bobby smiled. He appreciated her presence, but he knew how she was. She didn't live the job like he did. He was still not sure why she was staying. After a moment of regarding her, he asked, "You didn't want to go home and relax, work in some you time?"

Alex sighed and shook her head. She gave him a small smile and explained, "I'd go out of my mind bored and worried. I can only spend so many nights watching old movies while I worry and wait for him to come home safe. One of these days I'm going to convince him to transfer out of vice."

Bobby sighed and nodded. Looking back down at his report, he agreed, "It would be easier on you both, I would think. He's going to be fine though."

With a sigh, Alex agreed, "Yeah. You're right. I just worry. So, do you want Chinese or Mexican?"

Bobby shrugged. Looking for another report, he distractedly replied, "Whichever you want is fine."

Shaking her head, Alex grabbed a piece of paper with take-out places and their phone numbers on it. Dialing one of them, she ordered some Mexican for them both, knowing what he'd want. She mused that at the very least working with him had taught her what he liked to eat.

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Finishing her taco, Alex sighed. Looking at Bobby, she got his attention, "Goren, I think you'll want to see this. Kerrigan lied. He did talk to Emily."

Looking up, Bobby threw the box his food had come in away and took the paper from her. Noting the call Alex was referring to, he looked back up at Alex. He smiled and commented, "I guess we have some new questions for him now when he comes in tomorrow."

Alex smiled slightly. She had only been working with Bobby for almost six months, but she was beginning to get to the point where she did enjoy the game sometimes, and this guy had been jerking them around for days. She was going to enjoy it this time. She absently wondered if that was what was causing her to doubt her decision to get a new partner. Was she finally starting to get used to him? Was she starting to enjoy working with him? Her cell phone interrupted her train of thought. She answered it curtly, "Eames."

A desperate and almost hysterical voice on the other end, asked, "Oh God! Alex, where are you?"

Knowing instantly it was Jack's partner Andy, Alex sat up in her chair. With fear in her voice, she answered, "I'm at 1PP. Is Jack OK? What's wrong?"

Andy had been partners with Jack since the academy, close to five years. Trying not to cry, he choked out, "I'm so sorry Alex! Jack got hit. They just rushed him to the hospital. Oh God! I'm so sorry."

With those words, the wind was seemingly knocked out of Alex. It was her worst nightmare. She was desperate to keep her composure in front of Bobby and not let on that anything was wrong. They weren't close enough for this. Finding her voice, she asked, "Which hospital?"

Andy finally replied, "St. Mary's in Brooklyn."

Alex closed her eyes and tried desperately to breath. Trying to keep herself composed, she replied, "Thanks."

Bobby's head had instantly shot up when she had asked about her husband. He watched her carefully and with a lot of worry as she hung up the phone. As she grabbed her things, he asked, "Eames. Alex, let me drive you."

She was trying to keep it in so hard that she was beginning to shake slightly. It was then that she realized he had, of course, deciphered enough of the conversation to know what was going on. She snapped, "I can drive."

While they hadn't exactly become that close over the past six months, Bobby understood she needed him. Whether she admitted it or not, she needed a friend. She needed her partner. He desperately tried again, "Hey. Please. Let me take you. Just tell me where."

Stopping, Alex closed her eyes. The time she had worked with Bobby had taught her how little he reached out to others. Noting that he was reaching out to her, and she needed someone, she relented, "Alright. He's at St. Mary's in Brooklyn."

Bobby nodded. Grabbing his things, they left the building.

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The ride to the hospital had been in silence. Bobby had expected it. He knew neither of them would know what to say. Walking in behind her, Bobby still wasn't sure what to say or do. He had never been in this position before. He had never had to comfort a worried spouse of a cop, especially not one who was a cop themselves.

Seeing Andy, Alex immediately went to him. Hugging him, Alex whispered, "What happened? Have they told you anything yet?"

Andy pulled away and marveled at Alex's ability to keep herself pulled together. He explained, "They know I'm here, and they haven't told me anything yet. As for what happened, it was a set up. They didn't say a word before pulling their pieces. Scott and Drew were hit and down before the rest of us even got there. They kept shooting. Jack got hit then. Drew and Scott are dead, and Jack was barely holding on."

Alex covered her mouth. She felt Bobby beside her. He guided her to a seat and she didn't fight him. She let a few tears go. She had worked with Drew and Scott for four years. She loved them like extra brothers. Their deaths and Jack being shot was almost too much. Angrily, she demanded, "Tell me the guys who killed them and shot Jack are dead."

Andy slowly nodded. He assured her, "Yeah. We got them. Alex I'm so sorry."

Alex shook her head slowly. Meeting Andy's eyes, she assured him, "This wasn't your fault. I. We have to believe he's going to be OK, that we lost enough good cops tonight."

Andy sat down on the other side of her. He quietly whispered, "Yeah."

It was then that other detectives and the captain from Jack's Vice unit began streaming in. Captain Davis called out to Alex as he walked in, "Alex! God, I'm so sorry."

Standing up, Alex embraced her old captain. Pulling away, she cried a little more and replied, "We're still waiting on news on Jack. I can't believe Drew and Scott are gone."

Davis nodded. Looking away, he replied, "I know. Jack will be OK though. We have to keep believing that."

Alex nodded slowly. She spent the next few minutes hugging and greeting her old colleagues and Jack's current ones. They had met in vice, and she had moved on to Major Case. He had insisted on staying. She would do anything at that moment to go back in time over the last year or so and make him change his mind. She didn't notice Bobby and Andy stand as the doctor entered.

Walking into the waiting room full of cops, Dr. Harrison sighed. These were always the worst. Taking a deep breath, he explained, "I'm incredibly sorry. The damage was just too extensive. We couldn't save Detective McGarry."


	2. Back Home

Lean on me: Chapter 2

By: The Confused One

A/N: Well, here we are at chapter 2. It's interesting to be writing a story where the only purpose is to be sad. LOL Of course, said sadness will bring Bobby and Alex closer together. Anyway, hope everyone enjoys and please remember to review. Thanks.

Having tried to hold herself together, with those words from the doctor she lost it. The news was too much. She felt her knees buckle, and she felt Bobby grab her arm to keep her up. He held her close and let her sob, neither even noticed what else the doctor said or when he left.

The others cops gave them a little space. Bobby was finally able to get her to a couch where he held her a little longer. Looking around the room, Bobby noted that just about everyone looked shell-shocked. He wasn't surprised. Three cops were dead, a horrible reminder to all of them of the risks they take in their job everyday. He gently rubbed his partner's back and wished he could make it better for her.

As Alex was able to pull herself back together, most of the squad made their exit with hugs, sorrow, and apologies. It was down to Alex, Bobby, and Andy. Still a little shaky, Alex announced, mostly to Bobby, "I need. I need to go home. I have to call Amber, his sister. His parents died in a car accident about eight years ago. Amber was all the family he had left."

Bobby nodded. He promised. Yeah. That's fine. I can take you home, and then you can call her."

Andy nodded. Sitting down, he lamented, "I'm so sorry Alex. God, I should have done something to protect him. I should have watched his back better."

Alex shook her head. Squeezing his shoulder, she assured him, "You didn't do anything wrong Andy. You can't blame yourself. I can't blame myself either."

Andy nodded absently. He promised, "Call Amber. Tell her I'm sorry. I'll wait for the paperwork. I'll only bring you what you need to look at and sign."

Alex swallowed hard. She nodded slowly. She agreed, "Thank you."

Bobby watched her finally stand. He silently walked with her to the car. He knew this was going to be one of the longest nights either of them had ever had.

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Bobby followed closely behind Alex, as she stumbled into her apartment. He sensed her hesitation. She finally walked in and made it to the couch before bursting into fresh tears. Closing and locking the door, Bobby was at her side. He held her again.

Finally able to speak, she choked out, "What am I supposed to do without him?"

Bobby rubbed her back still. He tried to come up with something but fell short. He finally whispered, "You pick up the pieces a little at a time and put your life back together, without him."

Alex bristled a little and slowly nodded. Pulling away, she announced again, "I have to call Amber."

Bobby nodded. He asked, "Do you want some tea?"

Alex nodded slowly. She watched him disappear into the kitchen before picking up the phone. Shaking, she forced herself to dial the number. Hearing clanking and rummaging through her cabinets, Alex closed her eyes. Focusing on the ringing of the phone, she called out, "The tea bags are in the cabinet right beside the refrigerator."

Bobby sighed and nodded to himself. Calling out thanks, he pulled out the tea bags and began filling the tea pot with water. It was the first time he had been in her apartment, and he had to admit, it was a pretty nice apartment. He listened painfully as Alex talked to Amber on the phone. Finishing the tea as she hung up, he walked out with the two cups. Sitting one down in front of her, he was worried. She looked like death warmed over. He sat down carefully beside her and tried to reassure her, "You will get through this."

Alex fought back more tears and looked at him, slightly confused and slightly impressed. Every once in a while, she was convinced he could read minds. She sipped her tea. It had just the right amount of sugar. He never ceased to amaze her. She finally spoke, "I don't how though. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up any second and find all of this is just a horrible nightmare. I'm just. I'm not sure I can get through this."

Bobby nodded in understanding. Putting his cup down, he softly replied, "I'm so sorry Alex. You will get through this though. You have a lot of people who are going to make sure of that."

Alex nodded slowly. She finally whispered, "I already feel so lost without him."

Bobby sighed. He finally suggested, "Maybe. There isn't anything else that can be done tonight. Maybe you should try to lie down."

Alex shook her head. She resisted, "No. I can't. I couldn't sleep tonight if I tried. Thank you though."

Bobby nodded. Leaning back on the couch, he promised, "Well, I'll stay as long as you want me here. We can do whatever you want."

Alex looked at him. She was grateful that he was there, but she didn't want to force him to stay all night or anything. She tried to give him an out, "Thanks, but you don't have to stay here and keep me company. I'll be OK alone."

Bobby sighed and tried to reassure her, "I'm fine. I want to make sure you're OK."

Alex nodded slightly. Realizing she wasn't going to get rid of him, she sighed with a little relief. Honestly, she didn't want him to go, but she also wanted to keep the silence between them. She didn't want to talk. Grabbing the remote for the TV, she turned it on, explaining, "I have to do something to try not to think about it."

Bobby nodded slowly. He didn't complain when she wanted to watch the Andy Griffith show on TVLand. He was almost surprised when she curled up and leaned up against him arm. Before the show was over, she was asleep. Bobby silently took his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed Deakins' at home. He needed to explain why neither of them would be at work later that morning. It was already one am, and he was sure his Captain was going to love him for waking him and his family up, but Bobby knew he didn't have much of a choice.


	3. The First Morning

Lean on me: Chapter 3

By: The Confused One

A/N: Sorry it's taken awhile to get this chapter done. Work hasn't allowed me to write as much as I usually do lately. Also, I've got too many stories going at once. LOL Though, I would imagine most of you know that. Anyway, I'm refusing to start another new chapter story until I've got some of these done, so it'll get better. Please enjoy the fic, and a special thanks to InfinityStar for reading it over. So, everyone enjoy and please remember to review. Thanks.

Waking up, Alex laid in her bed, trying to remember what happened. It took her all of two seconds to remember Bobby helping her to her bed. Looking at the pillow beside her, she felt the weight of being alone. It hit her like a ton of bricks, again. Jack was gone. Curling up into a ball, she began sobbing again.

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Waking up on the couch, Bobby could hear her. He closed his eyes, but he didn't dare invade her room and personal space anymore. Bobby laid there and listened to her cry. It was torture. He couldn't even imagine what she was going through. After what seemed like forever, he heard the door open.

Bobby jumped up at the sound. He realized she had run into the bathroom because he could hear her throwing up. He closed his eyes again. After a few moments, he heard only crying again. It was somewhat softer this time. Taking a deep breath, he approached the bathroom.

Surprised, she stiffened to see him, as she sat against the wall adjacent to the toilet. She desperately tried to calm down, but she couldn't make it stop. She couldn't stop crying. Her body wracked with sobs, and she could barely make out his face. She felt him take her into his arms. She stopped fighting it and clung to Bobby like he was her only life raft. She finally gasped out, "I can't do this. He can't be gone."

Bobby knelt beside her as he rubbed her back, and she held onto his shirt. He rubbed her back and soothingly promised over and over, "You can get through this."

After a few minutes, Bobby was finally able to help her stand. He helped her back to her bedroom. In a more comfortable place he let her cry in his arms until she fell asleep. She finally stopped shaking even. After covering her, he moved the hair out of her face and sat beside her for a moment. With a sigh, he got up and silently left the room.

He sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands. In so many ways, he felt inadequate and lost. He didn't know how to deal with this. He didn't know how to comfort his female partner who had just lost her husband. He was worried. He didn't know Alex Eames could cry. This was new territory for him. He was afraid that if he screwed this up he'd lose her, and he'd grown to like her a lot. She was probably the best partner he had ever had, and he didn't want to lose her. He didn't want to chase her away. He knew he had to get his act together and get her through it.

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Alex woke up again with a start. Taking ragged breaths, she realized she was in her bed. She missed Jack so much already. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to go on. She just laid there for a long moment, staring at his pillow again. It occurred to her that Bobby had carried her back to her bed, and the thought made her groan in embarrassment.

After another few moments, she wiped the few tears that had fallen down her cheeks. Gathering her strength she got out of bed and walked out into the den. She wasn't sure what to expect. She wasn't sure he'd still be there. She walked a little further into the room and towards the kitchen. She was about to say his name when he appeared from the kitchen. She immediately noticed he was wearing jeans and t-shirt now. He had changed. Meeting his eyes, she offered weakly, "Hi."

Bobby took a deep breath. He pointed back into the kitchen and explained, "I... I made turkey sandwiches. I wasn't sure how long you'd sleep. I wasn't going to wake you, so I made something you could eat whenever."

Alex was confused now. She finally informed him, "We don't have turkey."

Bobby rubbed the back of his neck. He wasn't even sure if she had noticed he was in different clothes. He explained, "Yeah. I figured you'd be asleep for awhile. I went home to shower and change. I picked up some food on my way back. I got, uh, chips, dip, ground beef, and some fresh vegetables, along with the turkey and bread. I got… I got wheat and white. I wasn't sure what kind of bread you like."

Alex nodded absently. She almost smiled. She vowed right then that anytime she started to forget how sweet he could be, she'd remember this moment. She softly informed him, "Wheat is fine."

Bobby nodded and asked, "I… I got salt and vinegar chips."

Alex followed him into the kitchen now. She was impressed that he remembered what her favorite kind of chips was. She took the plate he was offering. It was, as he had said, a turkey sandwich and salt and vinegar chips. Sitting down, she replied, "Thanks."

Bobby sat down with her and shrugged. He finally replied, "It's not much, but you need to eat something."

Sitting there, she focused on her sandwich. She ate it slowly. After a moment, she admitted, "I know I should eat, but I don't feel very hungry."

Bobby nodded. He wasn't too surprised. He didn't expect her to be very hungry. He assured her, "It's alright."

Alex sighed. Staring at the table, she changed the subject entirely, "I have to call my family and tell them."

He nodded. He was relieved when she met his eyes again. He explained, "Andy… Andy stopped by. He dropped off the forms you need to look over."

Alex leaned back in her chair. She closed her eyes and decided she wanted to get it all over with, "Where did you put them?"

Bobby pointed at her food and insisted, "After you finish eating."

Alex stared at her plate as she ate a little more of her food. She finally looked back at Bobby again and confessed, "We were afraid of talking about something happening. We didn't… I don't… I'm not sure I know what he'd want."

Bobby made sure her eyes met his. He reassured her, "You loved him. That's all you'll need. You'll know."

Alex sat back in her chair feeling overwhelmed. She replied, "I have to make these decisions, call all of these people, and sign all sorts of forms. How am I supposed to get through this and do all of that?"

Bobby understood exactly what she was saying. He ventured, "Whatever I can do to make it easier, you just have to ask."

Alex nodded hesitantly. She added, "Thank you. I. I appreciate you being here, but if you want to go home…"

Bobby shook his head no. He assured her, "I want to be here. Don't worry about me. I'm supposed to worry about you. I know... I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with sometimes, but I want to help. Let me, please."

Finishing her sandwich, Alex watched him with fascination. She had seen a sweeter side to Bobby before, but she had never seen it to this extent, and she liked it. She liked this side of Bobby. She wished he'd come out more during cases, instead of intense Bobby who often seemed to forget she existed and did insane things in the interrogation rooms that she was never prepared for. She could like this Bobby. She finally mumbled, "Thank you." Watching him for another beat, she asked, "Can I see those papers yet?"

Bobby nodded slowly. He watched her carefully, trying to figure out what was going on in her head. It was obvious to him that she was contemplating something, and he somehow knew that it wasn't about Jack or his death. Getting up, he went to get the papers, hoping she'd be able to get through them all without breaking down again.


	4. Finishing the Day

Lean on me: Chapter 4

By: The Confused One

A/N: More thanks to InfinityStar for putting up with me and my stories even though she's got her own stories and personal stuff. I appreciate her SO much. Everyone please enjoy, and remember to review. Thanks.

The day had only gotten more difficult for Alex once she had finished the sandwich. After reading and signing the papers, she had finally called her family. It didn't take long for them to swarm her apartment. Amber, Jack's sister, had come by too. She stayed strong as she greeted and accepted sympathy from each person. Once Bobby had finally gotten everyone out of the apartment, he turned to look at her. She was sitting on the couch, staring at the wall. Walking over to her, he quietly offered, "Hey."

Meeting her eyes, Alex broke down again. She felt him sit down and hold her again. After a few minutes, she began to compose herself again and asked, "You would think I'd run out tears, eventually, wouldn't you?"

Bobby simply shook his head. Handing her another Kleenex, he replied, "No. I don't think you really can."

Alex scoffed. Leaning against him, she asked, "Why is everyone so sorry? Everyone, including you, is sorry. None of you did anything wrong. Why do people say such meaningless things? They didn't do anything, and it doesn't really help. It can't bring Jack back. It's a useless phrase. I've said it so often myself. I just…I never want to hear 'I'm sorry' again."

Letting Alex sit up, he offered, "You're right. Sometimes it can feel empty, but they're trying to reach out to you when they say it. They want to help."

Alex snorted. She leaned back and replied, "I know. I just…got tired of trying not to worry them. You…I don't have to hide from. You were here this morning. You've already seen me at my worse, and you'd see right through me anyway. There's no point in hiding from you, but I don't want my family to worry. I don't want them smothering me."

Bobby nodded. He replied, "That's fine. We're doing it your way."

Alex looked at the wall again. After a few minutes, she broke the silence, "There's going to be a lot of department pomp at the funeral."

Bobby nodded. He acknowledged her words, "Yeah, there will be. I know it's the last thing you care about right now, but he died honorably. He died in the line of duty, trying to help."

Alex nodded. She admitted, "No. It actually…helps a little. It wasn't completely senseless. God, he loved vice. I tried for the past year to get him to transfer out. He was too stubborn, and he loved the work too much. He felt like he mattered there, and he did. He was a good cop and a good man."

Bobby nodded. He agreed, "Yes, he was."

Alex laughed bitterly. She confessed, "There he was, working these busts, and he was still more worried about me working with you."

Bobby finally looked at her. He ventured, "I'm sure he heard things about me."

Alex smiled slightly. Meeting his eyes, she continued to confess, "We've all heard things about you, Bobby. It wasn't the rumors. You can frustrate the hell out of me."

Bobby smiled now. He simply replied, "I know."

Alex sighed. She wasn't surprised he could tell. Getting up, she changed the subject, "'The Fugitive' or 'Body Heat'?"

Bobby shrugged. He was a little relieved to leave the earlier conversation. He suggested, "'The Fugitive' is fine."

Alex put the movie in and curled up onto the couch. As it started, she commented, "I can't do anything else tonight."

Bobby took a deep breath. He accepted her explanation silently. He focused his attention on the movie, and he tried not to think too much about her earlier words.

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Bobby sat on the couch, with Alex curled up like a ball on the other end asleep. She had fallen asleep during the movie, and Bobby hated to wake her up, but he wasn't about to go to sleep in her bed. It was her bed, and she deserved the comfort of it. Shaking her slightly, he tried to wake her, "Eames."

Alex groggily sat up. Confused and embarrassed, she offered, "I'm awake."

Bobby gave her a weak smile. He assured her, "I thought… you'd want to go to your room and bed."

Alex swallowed hard. She nodded and stood. Looking down at him, she asked, "Are you staying?"

Bobby nodded. He promised, "I'll be right here."

Alex nodded. Closing her eyes, she replied, "Thank you, Bobby."

He watched her go into her room and took a deep breath. His phone broke his train of thought. Picking it up, he answered, "Goren."

Sitting at his desk, Deakins asked, "How is she?"

Bobby sighed. He admitted, "Struggling. She just went to bed. I'm glad her sister brought dinner. I'm not sure I could have gotten her to eat otherwise. We won't be around tomorrow. I just…can't leave her alone right now."

Deakins nodded. He stared at the drawer that held the letter. The last thing James Deakins had wanted was for Alex to lose her husband, but a part of him was hoping that it was drawing his two detectives together. He was hoping Alex was changing her mind. He could see their potential. They had the ability to be good, if they could connect. He finally replied, "That's fine. Call me tomorrow."

Bobby sighed and agreed, "Right."

Bobby hung up the phone. With a sigh he laid down on the couch. He knew he needed to try to get some real sleep. It was going to be a long few days. Alex still needed to make the funeral arrangements, and then she had to get through the funeral. Bobby was determined to help Alex through it all. He'd reach out like he had never reached out before. Bobby had mostly closed himself years ago. He was used to being alone, but somehow Alex Eames had started penetrating his walls weeks earlier. He found he wanted her around. He didn't want to scare her away. He wanted to help her now through this, and it scared him to death. He wasn't sure how he was going to do it, but he was determined to one way or the other.


	5. Making the Arrangements

Lean on me: Chapter 5

By: The Confused One

A/N: YAY! I finally posted the next chapter. As always, special thanks to InfinityStar. She's wonderful about reading these stories and chapters for me. Please enjoy and remember to review. Thanks.

Alex woke up when the sun hit her eyes just right. Groaning, she sat up. She bitterly knew this was going to be another day she was going to have to force herself through without Jack. She was grateful that she hadn't woken up crying again. Looking at the clock, she grimaced. She had about three hours before she had to meet the funeral director and make arrangements. She hated the idea, and desperately wanted to take her mind off of it. Her stomach gave her an idea for a distraction.

Heading to kitchen, she stopped at the couch. Watching Bobby sleep gave her pause and a small smile. Her aloof and maddening partner had ceased to be as aloof and maddening. She was grateful to him for staying. He'd never know how much it meant to her. It just muddled things in her head a little more. She needed to talk to him about their partnership. She knew she did. She happily added it to her mental something-to-do-besides-think-about-Jack-list. Hoping not to wake him, she padded to the kitchen.

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The smell of bacon woke Bobby up. Sitting up, he deduced Alex was cooking. Reaching the kitchen, he leaned against the door frame and watched Alex patting the bacon with a paper towel.

Alex didn't look over to see him, but she knew Bobby was there. Grabbing plates and silverware, Alex distributed the food onto the plates. Grabbing two mugs, she poured the coffee. Spooning sugar into one of them, she waited for Bobby to speak or sit down.

Bobby smiled slightly as Alex finished putting the sugar into her cup. He finally broke the silence, "It's good to see you… doing something."

Alex gave him a brave smile. Sitting down with her plate, she waited. After a moment, she gave up and assured him, "It's bacon and eggs, Bobby. That plate is for you."

Bobby nodded, slightly embarrassed. He had been watching her so intently he had forgotten about his food. Grabbing his cup and plate, he replied, "Sorry. I know."

Alex watched him sit down. She smiled slightly and asked, "You talk to Deakins?"

Bobby nodded. He explained, "Yeah. I talked to him last night. He's not expecting to see us today."

Alex nodded. Cutting her eggs, she commented, "We should talk."

Bobby didn't like the sound of that. He could only imagine what she wanted to talk about. Looking at his watch, he was relieved to find an out. "We don't exactly have a lot of time."

Alex sighed. Considering she really didn't want to have the conversation anymore than Bobby did, she didn't argue and just followed his lead. "Right. Are you sure you want to go? I mean, I don't want to drag you…"

Bobby met her eyes and interrupted her, "Yeah. I want to go. I want to help. I've… done this before."

Surprised and confused, Alex asked, "You have?"

Bobby sighed. He confessed, "A family member."

Alex broke a piece of bacon, and replied, "I'm sorry."

Bobby shrugged and admitted, "Don't be. We weren't really close. I just…want to be there for you. This isn't about me."

Alex watched him carefully. She suddenly wanted to know this story. She decided that she'd prod him later. Focusing, she nodded and agreed, "Thanks."

Finishing his food, Bobby was relieved that she hadn't pressed for information on who exactly had died. He really didn't want to discuss his father right then. After a moment, he replied, "I need to go back to my place and change."

Alex nodded. She agreed, "Yeah. You know if you're going to insist on staying here for awhile, you should bring some clothes back."

Bobby found her eyes again and asked, "I'll think about it. Are you sure you don't want me to wait till you're ready?"

Alex shook her head. She promised, "I'm fine. I can handle getting ready on my own. Go ahead."

Bobby nodded. Getting up, he replied, "I'll be back in an hour."

Alex nodded. With a sigh, she grabbed the dishes and put them in the sink. She worried that Deakins had told Bobby about the letter by now. He was supposed to have an answer from her already. She dismissed the fear, though. Bobby wasn't acting like he knew. She decided the whole conversation was going to have to wait till after they got back, and it was probably for the best. Making her way to the bathroom, Alex thought of ways to get Bobby to open up to her. Maybe understanding him would help her understand why her gut and every instinct in her body were telling her to stay. Opening the cabinets, she pulled out a couple of towels. She happily and mentally added laundry to her list of things to do to get her mind off of Jack.

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Arriving back at her apartment, Alex crashed on the couch. Bobby laid down a small suitcase. He sat down beside her. She moaned, "I think that was hell."

With a nod, he agreed, "I know. If it helps, you're doing very well."

Alex gave him an exasperated look. With a sigh, she sat up and replied, "Don't do that, please, Bobby. I don't want to be analyzed."

Bobby sighed, too. Looking away, he apologized, "Sorry. It's something I just do."

Alex, defeated, agreed, "I know."

Bobby continued, "You will be OK."

Alex shrugged and replied, "Maybe." Taking another deep breath, she added, "I need to make some calls, let people know when the funeral will be."

Bobby shook his head. Grabbing Alex's arm, to keep her from getting up, Bobby assured her, "You don't have to yet. Give yourself some breathing room."

Alex nodded. She turned away and stared at the wall and only felt him let go of her arm. She didn't feel like arguing. She felt drained. She was just plain tired. Besides, the idea of taking a little time to recoup just felt like too good an idea to pass up. Trying to find something else to think about, she frowned. There was no way she was talking about the letter in this state. There was no way she could argue with anyone at the moment, least of all Bobby Goren. Leaning back, she prodded, "Tell me something about what you were like as a child, Bobby. Something tells me you were an extremely entertaining child."

Bobby arched his eyebrows. Moving nervously, he tried to get out of it, "You don't want to…hear about my childhood."

Alex sighed. Red flags went up that he had huge things in his past, but she ignored them. She most definitely didn't feel like trying to get him to spill his deep dark secrets. She just wanted a small distraction. Meeting his eyes, she practically pleaded, "Please. I need something else to think about."

Bobby nodded in sudden understanding. Taking a deep breath he wasn't at all sure how he had suddenly found himself in this position. How did aloof Bobby Goren find himself comforting a widow and trying to think of a childhood memory that didn't end with something traumatizing? How did one Alex Eames hold that sort of power over him? How had she managed to get past his armor? How had she become the first partner in years that he instinctively didn't want to lose? Shaking his head, he began telling her about the time he and Lewis went hiking and managed to get lost. He'd just leave out the beating he had gotten over it from his father. Sometimes he wasn't sorry his father was dead.


	6. Comfort Food

Lean on me: Chapter 6

By: The Confused One

A/N: I hope you all like this chapter. I figured it was time for this part. Special thanks, of course, to InfinityStar for reading this. Please enjoy and remember to review. Thanks.

Shaking slightly, Alex hung up the phone. Letting go of Bobby's hand, she promised, "I'm OK."

Bobby watched her carefully. She avoided looking at him. He wasn't about to force her. They had spent the last hour on the phone to people telling them about the funeral. Her family had offered to come over to finish the calls, but she had refused anyone's help but his. He finally ventured, "You're sure?"

Alex nodded slightly. Wiping away a couple of tears, she announced, "I'm getting the rocky road. I need something."

Bobby nodded. He watched her disappear into the kitchen. A minute later she emerged with two spoons and a carton of ice cream. Sitting back down, she curled up on her side of the couch and turned to face him. Popping the lid and handing him a spoon, she asked, "He could really make him crazy."

Bobby nodded. He agreed, "It's part of loving someone."

Alex closed her eyes and swallowed some ice cream. Jack was gone, she wouldn't let anyone comfort her anymore, and she couldn't bring herself to cry anymore, the only thing left was to try comfort food. Shaking her head, she vaguely asked, "Who's going to remind me to be human? Somewhere between college, the academy, and being a cop I forgot I was female and human. He reminded me that it's OK to be a cop and a woman. We were the oddest pair. He was the smuggest and most obnoxious guy in the precinct, and I was the biggest hardass."

She smiled when Bobby smiled. She was grateful that he was just listening, and he was glad to just listen. He offered, "And his…smugness caught your interest?"

She could help but laugh. Wiping away the few tears that escaped, she continued, "God, no. Not at first. He drove me absolutely crazy. It should have been my first clue, though. _He_ was interested, right from the start though. I got into vice when I made detective. That's when I met him. He'd been there a year, and he used to say it was the longest year of his life. Said he was waiting on me.

"To get under my skin, he used to make damn whistling noises and cat calls when I came back from working undercover. I could have killed him. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to be dressed up in that stuff as it is? Then to be bringing johns into the precinct for booking and to have someone making cat calls…I couldn't stand him at first. He never did it to anyone else, and he knew I hated it, just like I hated the fishnet stockings and those damn skirts that were way too short. He finally stopped when I hit him. He told me later he was trying to get my attention, but naturally, I took it wrong and set out to prove myself to him. I think that just served to amuse him more. You think I can get into people's face now? I was at my worst then."

Bobby smiled slightly. He could picture her story perfectly. He asked, "Then he finally asked you out?"

Alex smiled softly. She was relieved to see him use his spoon to finally get some ice cream. She nodded and continued, "He finally surprised the hell out of me by telling me he actually liked me, respected me, and wanted to go out with me. Said I needed someone to remind me that I was a woman, along with being a brilliant cop. It took him five times before I finally went out with him. He was the most persistent man I had ever met. When I finally agreed…it was nice. He surprised me with roses and a nice romantic dinner. Anyone who thinks a vice cop can't be romantic never dated Jack.

"It was almost a year before he proposed at my apartment, over dinner, and it took another six months to plan the wedding. We had endless arguments about the music. He was adamant about picking the band, but every group he liked, I hated. It took weeks. Looking back at every fight…they all seem so silly now."

Bobby nodded in understanding. He assured her, "All couples fight."

Alex nodded. She bitterly replied, "But every one of them seems like such a waste of time now. All the time we could have had…all tied up in those hours of arguing about nothing…nothing that mattered."

Grabbing the spoons and ice cream, Bobby put them on the table and held her, again, as she gave up her fight and dissolved into fresh tears. Pushing her hair out of her face, he tried to reassure her over and over again.

After a few minutes, Alex finally began to pull herself together. Hiccupping, she pulled away and started shakily wiping her tears away. She apologized, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cry all over you again."

Bobby shook his head. Watching her, he promised, "It's OK. You're allowed to cry."

Alex closed her eyes again. Sniffling, she replied, "I just…still can't believe he's gone. I'm never going to get to see his smile or hear his stupid jokes again. I can't get used to that. I can't accept that."

Bobby moved Alex's hair out of her face. He assured her, "It'll get easier every day."

Alex shook her head and untangled herself from him and stood up. She suddenly just wanted to be alone. She explained, "I…need to go to bed."

Bobby nodded. He knew. They had a long day ahead of them. She was going to have to get through the final decisions: flowers, photos, and the obituary. She needed her space. He watched her go down the hall and disappear into the bedroom. With a sigh, he grabbed the spoons and ice cream. She'd want it later. He was sure of that. Putting them up, he watched her come out of the bathroom. He stared at the suitcase. He still wasn't sure why he had let her talk him into bringing it, but he opened it, grabbed his toothbrush, toothpaste and pajamas. It was definitely time to go to bed.


	7. Opening up

Lean on me: Chapter 7

By: The Confused One

A/N: Here, finally, is chapter seven. I swear I'm working on getting chapters done faster again. I think my muse has finally truly home again. It's starting to wake up, so to speak, and it's about time. Anyway, I'm hoping, finally, that I will start writing faster. Anyway, after a comment or two in the review section, I started reconsidering the arch of this story. I've made some decisions regarding that, and I have the rest of the story mapped out, so to speak, in my head. We have a good three to four chapters left, at least. Special thanks to InfinityStar for the fabulous beta work. I'm going to stop talking now and let you get to the story. Please enjoy and remember to review. Thanks.

Bobby and Alex had spent the morning writing the obituary and the eulogy she was going to give. She had needed a break after that. Two hours later, he was laying a couple of sandwiches on plates. He was hoping to entice her out with food. Then he heard it. She was in the laundry room. He breathed relief. It wouldn't be as hard to get her to eat if she was out of her room. He went to talk to her.

Standing in the doorway, he watched her stuff clothes into the washer. He noticed the male clothes that were violently thrown to the side. He wondered how long she had been in there and how he hadn't heard her before. He finally spoke up. "I made some lunch."

Lost in thought and pain, Alex jumped. Grabbing her washing machine, she took a deep breath and replied, "I'll be there in a second."

Surprised and concerned, Bobby replied, "Eames, I'm sorry. Are you OK?"

Alex still refused to turn to face him. With a nod, she promised, "Yeah. I'm fine. You just startled me. Go ahead. I'll be right there."

Bobby sighed. Walking back into the kitchen he grabbed a couple of sodas from the refrigerator and sat down. He was almost finished when he heard her approach. He wasn't sure what to say as she walked into the kitchen. Watching her sit down, he broke the silence, "I know it's just grilled cheese, but I figured that it was better than nothing."

Alex nodded. Staring at the plate, she began to rip the sandwich apart. She weakly offered, "Its fine." Finally looking up at him, she replied, "I need a box when we're done. I…have to pack his things."

Bobby closed his eyes. He assured her, "It can wait."

Alex took a deep breath. She slowly shook her head and explained, "I can't look at them, Bobby."

Bobby swallowed hard. He agreed, "Alright. We'll pack them, but you have to…pick a picture first."

With a sigh, Alex stared at her food again. She began picking it apart once more before finally confessing, "I'd really rather not deal with any of it anymore."

With a nod, Bobby replied, "I know."

Alex sighed, met his eyes and responded, "But I have to."

Nodding again, Bobby agreed, "Yeah. I wish I could make this easier. I don't feel like I'm being much help."

Staring at her soda, Alex assured him, "No. You've been a lot more help than you realize. I've appreciated you being here."

Finding her eyes, once more, Bobby confessed, "Good. I don't like seeing you in pain."

A little startled by his admission, Alex looked away. She asked, "Me?"

Bobby arched his eyebrows. In that moment the distance he had kept between them over the few months they had known each other finally hit him. His neglect of her bothered him, and he set out to change that. He tried to explain himself, "You're a strong, independent woman…"

Meeting his eyes again, Alex was irritated. She interrupted, "In other words, you think I'm cold."

With a sigh, Bobby tried to explain further, "No. You're not cold. I never thought you were. You couldn't do this job if you were cold, but you protect yourself. You shield yourself in wit and sarcasm. I almost envy it. I can't separate myself like that. I've never been able to. The last few months we've worked together…I've grown to appreciate that part of you. I like it. Your comments remind me there is more than the bodies and twisted minds in front of us. It keeps me from delving too deep. I guess my point is…Jack was right. Sometimes you need to remember you don't have to be the strongest person in the room. Sometimes I need to remember it, too. I'm used to seeing you a certain way."

For the first time Alex had no doubt about what should become of the letter and her partnership with Bobby. Smiling faintly, she replied, "Thank you."

A sense of relief came over Bobby. For once, he was fairly sure he had said something very right. He assured her, "I mean it."

Taking a deep breath, Alex appreciated the ability to enjoy a moment again. Not wanting to lose it, she teased, "You trying to tell me you like having me around?"

Giving her a small smile, Bobby nodded. He agreed, "Yeah. I guess I am. I do…like having you around. I know I don't always show it, but it's true."

Alex was oddly relieved. She liked hearing the words. She tried to assure him and blow it off, "It's OK."

Shaking his head no, Bobby insisted, "No, it's not. I have…a habit of keeping a certain distance."

Alex nodded. She finished for him, "You don't trust easily. I figured that out."

Bobby sighed and looked at the table. While he liked that she seemed to get what he was trying to say sometimes, it bothered him that she was right. He decided then that it was something he needed to work on. Defeated, he replied, "Yeah."

With a defeated nod of her own, Alex replied, "Yeah. Why is that? Who hurt you that badly?"

Taking a deep breath, Bobby met her eyes again. Then he realized he still wasn't sure he could do it. He gave her just a little. "A lot of people. We…need to find a picture you like."

With a sigh, Alex realized he had let her in as far as he was going to at the moment. Deciding not to press her luck, she complied, "Right. Come on. I have a box of pictures we can go through."

Relieved, Bobby got up and followed her out of the room. He was glad she was letting it go, for now. He felt like he had said enough for one day. He mused that someday he'd work his way up to telling her about his childhood.


	8. The Funeral

Lean on me: Chapter 8

By: The Confused One

A/N: WOW! So I'm finally updating this story. LOL Sorry it's taken so long. Next up should be another chapter of "Brother's Keeper". I'm almost done with it. Please enjoy, and remember to review. Thanks.

Bobby and Alex spent the rest of the day finding a picture and then packing most of Jack's things. He fixed dinner, and she went to bed early. After watching some TV, Bobby had finally fallen asleep, worried about the days ahead.

Now it was the morning of the funeral. She was almost ready to leave, and she was nervous, afraid of how bad this was going to be. She never liked funerals, and this one was going to be hell. This one was going to be devastatingly painful.

Alex was standing in front of the mirror smoothing out the fabric of her dress blues. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door to her room. She had to face this. She had to just get through it. Bobby was sitting on the couch, flipping through a book that had been on her shelf. She took a shaky breath and broke the silence, "I, uh, think I'm ready to go."

Bobby almost jumped. He hadn't heard open the door. Getting up, he put the book down and took in her appearance. He gave her a small nod. It was the first time they had seen each other in their dress blues. He took the opportunity to really look her over in them. He hoped to never have to see her in them again.

Alex still wasn't sure how she was going to get through this. Trying to focus on something she could handle about the day, she noticed he was still looking at her clothes. She hesitantly asked, "I look OK?"

Suddenly realizing he was staring, Bobby looked up and met her eyes. He finally assured her, "Yes, Eames, you look…fine."

Alex nodded and gave him a slight smile. Taking a deep breath, she wordlessly grabbed her hat and led the way out of the apartment.

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It was late now. After the funeral, they had gone to the wake at Amber's home. Taking a shaky breath, Alex tried to unlock the door. She closed her eyes and tried to steady herself. She had expected it be hard, but she hadn't expected it to be impossible. She had tried not to cry at the funeral, but that had proven to be futile. With a deep breath, she tried to focus on the door again.

Before she could try it again, Bobby grabbed her hand. When she looked up at him, he replied, "Let me."

Swallowing hard, she numbly nodded and let him take the keys. Stepping away, she watched him open the door. Following him inside, Alex whispered, "Thanks."

With a nod, Bobby hesitated a moment before asking, "Did you want some tea or something to eat?"

Shaking her head, Alex plopped down on the couch. She assured him, "I don't want anything."

With a nod, Bobby understood that. Sitting down beside her, he asked, "Is there anything at all I can do?" He felt completely helpless, and he hated every second of it.

Alex closed her eyes. She quietly replied, "I just want to go to bed."

Bobby waved his hand towards her room. He softly guaranteed her, "That's fine. I understand."

She smiled softly at him. _Of course he understands. He always understands._ Getting up, she headed towards the room. She finally stopped and turned to look at him again. "Thank you, Bobby. This has all meant a lot to me."

Bobby sighed as she disappeared into her room. Looking down at his dress blues, he leaned back into the couch for a moment. Getting up, he walked to the bathroom and changed into his pajamas. Walking back to the den, he decided that the next day, for him, was going to consist of getting Jack's things out of the apartment. He turned off the light and stretched out across the couch.

Letting his mind drift, he realized it didn't stray far from Alex. He was relieved that she seemed to be getting through this, and he had a feeling she was going to come back to work soon and send him away. As he drifted off to sleep, he was left wondering how things were going to change between them now at work. He wondered if it was going to be awkward, or if things were going to get better than they had been when she had gotten that call. Bobby wasn't stupid. It had been obvious that things had been tense between them. She had trouble with his methods and thought process. He hoped that would change now. He wanted this new found understanding and closeness between them to carry over to work. He had reason to hope it would.


	9. Moving Forward

Lean on me: Chapter 9

By: The Confused One

A/N: I know this chapter is long in coming, and really, it took a little more than I first expected. This story is taking a different turn… Just bear with me. So please enjoy the chapter and remember to reply. Thanks.

It was almost ten when Alex woke up. Taking a shaky breath, she stared at the clock. She didn't want to move. She felt sick. It was still so hard to face the day without Jack. A few tears slid down her cheeks.

Reveling in memories, she almost missed the shower going off in the bathroom and the other tell-tell sounds that her bathroom was being used. For the briefest of moments she let her mind wish it were Jack. She closed her eyes. She knew that was impossible. He was gone and was never coming back. A chill went down her spine.

Shaking her head, she forced herself to get up. It was probably time for Bobby to go home. Making her way into the kitchen, she had to smile softly. She was going to miss having someone around, someone doing little things like making coffee. Getting herself a cup, she sighed. She hoped he understood. Sitting down at the table, she realized that she already knew he would. She had learned a lot about him since this all happened, and one of those things was how attune he was to people and their emotions, and how he could connect with those emotions without really even trying. She sipped her coffee again. Yes, he would understand.

Dressed, Bobby made his way into the kitchen. Pouring himself another cop of coffee, he casually greeted her, "Morning."

Startled out of her thoughts, she jumped. "Sorry. Morning..."

Worried, Bobby sat down next to her. Watching her, he ventured, "You alright?"

Alex nodded. She assured him, "Yeah. I'm alright." She took a deep breath. "Bobby, we need to talk…"

Bobby nodded. He was about to speak again when his phone rang. He sighed. "I'll be right back." Getting up, he left the room and answered it. "Goren."

Vickie, a nurse at Carmel Ridge, put the phone against her neck as she pulled up a file on her computer. "Bobby, hi. It's Vickie. I'm sorry to bother you, but is there any possible way you could make it up here in the next couple of days? Your mother is getting extremely agitated. She wants to see you."

Bobby closed his eyes. Walking outside, he rubbed his forehead with his hand. He was suddenly feeling extremely guilty, and he wanted to be in two places at once. "I know. I've talked to her. Things have just… I'll try to get up there in the next couple days. I'll talk to her again and explain that to her."

Vickie finished typing up the information and saved it on the computer. She sighed. "Please do, and make it soon."

Bobby nodded. "I will. Thank you, Vickie."

Vickie smiled. "I'll see you around, Bobby."

Hanging up the phone, Bobby sighed. It was time to get back to Alex. Going back to the kitchen, she was on her second cup. Sitting back down, he took a sip of his coffee. He ventured, "Are you sure you're OK?"

Alex nodded cordially. She looked at him. She quietly answered, "I guess as good as I can be today." Wanting to change the subject, she asked, "Who was that?"

Bobby hesitated a moment before answering, "A friend with a reminder."

Alex nodded again, accepting this answer. She knew there was more to it than that, but she was beginning to decide there was no getting Bobby Goren to talk when he didn't want to. He didn't trust anyone, and he didn't share. Maybe one day he'd trust her enough to tell him why. She sighed. "I'm going to get ready."

Bobby nodded. He offered, "I'll fix breakfast if you want while you're getting ready."

Alex turned to look at him again. She smiled softly. "Please. Thank you, Bobby."

Bobby nodded. Getting up, he began pulling out what he needed to cook breakfast. He called his mother as he cooked.

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Breakfast was quiet. Alex once again chickened out about talking to him about anything. Afterwards, Alex had tried to avoid memories of Jack by busying herself with cleaning the apartment. She vacuumed, dusted, and picked up. During that time, she came to another decision.

Wanting to be helpful, Bobby took her lead. He busied himself with the dishes, stove, table, counter, and the floor. He swept and even mopped.

It was afternoon before Alex finally ventured into the kitchen again. Pouring another cop of coffee, she softly replied, "You don't need to do any of that, Bobby."

Bobby was ringing out the mop. He assured her. "I was just finishing."

Alex nodded. Taking a sip, she sighed softly. "Thank you…for doing this, but I don't expect you to clean, Bobby." Walking back to the den, she curled up on the couch.

Following her to the den, Bobby furrowed his brow. Something was bothering her. Sitting down on the coffee table, he asked, "What's wrong?"

Alex shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'm being… I'm all over the map today. It's not you."

Bobby nodded. Meeting her eyes, he assured her, "That's understandable." He sighed. Seeing the boxes they had stacked up. Pointing to them, he offered, "I can go ahead and load those up in my car."

Alex nodded mutely. She watched him get up and start to check over the boxes. She had a million different emotions run through her at once. Swallowing hard, she suddenly wasn't sure she was ready to let his stuff go yet. She wasn't sure she wasn't just trying to vanquish every memory she had of her husband, as if that was really going to happen. She spoke quietly from the couch. "Bobby, actually… Leave them there, please."

Bobby suddenly stopped. He was starting to pick up the subtlest clues in her voice. Looking up, he met her eyes. She tried to mask it, but he knew he was reading her perfectly. He simply nodded. Standing up straight, he did what his first impulse dictated. Walking over to the couch, he sat down beside and pulled her into a hug.

Alex relaxed against him. No tears came, but the comfort he gave strengthened her. She didn't speak for a long moment. She didn't need to. A part of her was grateful. She finally broke the spell. "I thought I was ready."

Bobby nodded. He assured her, "It's OK not to be. They can stay as long as you want them to. I can move them whenever you are ready."

Why she had thought she would be ready the day after the funeral was beyond her. She wondered if she wasn't pushing too hard. She knew what Jack would say, but she just didn't want to feel the pain any more. She wanted to prove she was OK, that she was stronger than this. With a sigh, she resigned herself to having to take it a little slower.

Swallowing hard, she pulled away from him a little. Meeting his eyes, there were two things she really did think she was ready for. "I'm going back to work Monday."

Bobby met her eyes and nodded. There was no arguing when she had decided on something. "If you think you're ready."

Alex nodded. Relieved, she relaxed a little. Now came the harder one. She didn't want to hurt him. She hesitated a little before finally coming out with it. "And I think… I need to stand on my own two feet again, Bobby. I think it's time for you to go home."

Bobby had expected this eventual banishment, but he hadn't expected it to feel quite like this. It hurt worse and in ways he hadn't been prepared for, and he didn't like it. It made him nervous. He suddenly decided she was right. They needed some distance. With a nod, he agreed, "Yeah. I-I can go now…if you…want."

Alex relaxed completely now. She tried to assure him, "You don't have to go right this second, if you don't want to, and Bobby, you've been really amazing this past week. I appreciate it more than you know. I'd like for things to be like this at work."

Bobby was almost surprised by the admission. He tried not to smile. "Yeah, I'd like that, too." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Look, I should go ahead and do a few things. Get out of your hair…"

Alex gave a soft sigh and mentally heard a door close. Looking him over, she prodded, "The same mystery things you do every week and involve the call you got this morning?"

Bobby looked at the floor. He quietly admitted, "Yes."

Elated to get that much, Alex knew she needed to tread lightly. She pressed gently, "You mean the things you never tell me about?"

Bobby looked up and met her eyes. He sighed. "There are a lot of things I never tell you."

Alex rolled her eyes. She nodded in acceptance of this. "I know." With a sigh, she continued, "I don't know what you think is going to happen if you open up to me, and let me in, but I can guarantee you that I'm not going anywhere. After this week, I can't believe you think I would."

Turning this over in his head, Bobby sighed. He understood her point, and he did trust her. Swallowing hard, he came out with it, afraid if he didn't tell her everything he would never tell any of it. "Eames, I…my mother is schizophrenic. She lives up at the Carmel Ridge Center. That's…where I go every week. I go to…visit her. It's just us. My father left when I was eleven. He decided he'd rather run away from his responsibilities and get drunk than deal with his family. He…slept around, gambled, and completely ignored my brother and me. My brother…he took after him. He's as bad as Dad. He stayed away as much as possible. It's the reason he went to school...to get away. The only time he calls is if he wants money to pay his gambling debts. I'm…all she has, and she's all I have."

Staring into his eyes and listening to him, Alex's heart ached for him. This man who could be so gentle and kind, who she had finally taken the time to get to know, had been through so much. Added to her knowledge of how many partners he had had, Alex found herself putting together the last pieces of what made him tick. She suddenly found herself understanding him in ways she hadn't expected. It was like a cloud was lifted, and he suddenly made sense, all of his odd behavior, his deference, his fears…

Thinking about the letter, she knew now there was no way she could ever tell him. There was no way she could hurt him in that way. She couldn't risk losing the trust she had finally built with him. She would talk to Deakins. She would withdraw the request, and he would never know.

Alex had never imagined this. She just wanted to reach over and hug him. She wanted to comfort him and forget her own pain. She settled for putting her hand on his. She found herself suddenly struck dumb. Alexandra Eames was struck speechless, which she found ironic. She always had something to say about everything, but she couldn't find the words to tell him how sorry she was. Swallowing hard, she forced her voice to work, but only one word would come out. "Oh..."


End file.
